It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
