I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
