Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
