I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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