while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
