I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
