Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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