I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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