Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
