Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
