i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
