Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you inspire me to be a worse person
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
