operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
