My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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