i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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