you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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