Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
