i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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