Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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