turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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