I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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