Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
