Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
