I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
