and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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