So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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