She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
