:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
