I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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