dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
