drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need a beard to bite.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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