That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
