dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
