My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
