So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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