Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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