I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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