i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
