remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
