i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
