i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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