If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
