imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
