I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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