speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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