A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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