...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
