What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
