Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
