the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
