WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
