At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
