I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
