if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
